Young Without Youth
by Ygraine
Summary: When Harry leaves Dumbledores office at the end of OOtP where does he go? Covers Harry's summer holidays, and Harry learns of something dark in the Minisry that involves him. PG13.
1. Carve your name into my arm

Diclaimer: I own nothing, this all belongs to JK Rowling, please don't sue, I'm a poor poverished student and i have little money, it wouldn't really be worth your while. 

Title: Young without Youth

Summary: When Harry leaves Dumbledore's office at the end of the fifth book, where does Harry go? Covers Harry's summer holidays.

Author: Ygraine.

chapter one: Carve your name into my arm

He felt sick.

He couldn't move.

Barely even remembered leaving Dumbledores office. But now he lay on the bathroom floor, his cheek resting on the cold floor, cooling it down. How many times had he thrown up? He didn't know, there was nothing left in his stomach and he still felt ill, he thought he had pulled a muscle in his stomach. His life was falling apart and nothing any one said was going to make it any better. Sirius was dead and the only one who could kill Voldemort was him, Harry. why hadn't Dumbledore told hime this before. Becasue Harry's happiness meant more to him. It made Harry scoff, but he stopped because that hurt too much. He should be in the hospital wing, but he couldn't bare being with any one at the moment, any one. He needed to be alone, to mourn.

Distantly he heard people entering the bathroom and he checked his watch, it was half past eight, why were people getting up so early? Did he have classes today? He didn't know, nor did he care. He doubted he would return to classes for the rest of the year, even though there was only a week left of them before the summer. The summer, back at The Dursleys, how long would Harry have to stay there before it was deemed fit that Harry leave? He hoped that it wouldn't be very long, but would Lupin even want to know Harry any more. Wasn't he living at Grimmauld Place? Harry was sure that Sirius' will would have left Lupin the house. Harry was the reason that Siruis was dead, did Lupin hate him. He was the reason why all his friends were dead come to think about it. His parents, Lupins good friends died to save Harry and so had Sirius. There was no way that Lupin would forgive Harry after that.

Where was Lupin any way? Was he at St Mungos with Tonks? Or was he at Grimmauld place, left on his own with that miserably house elf and potrait? Had he done somethinhg terrible to himself? Hatty jerked his head up and looked around the cubicle, he hoped that Lupin was alright. He needed him, no matter if Lupin hated Harry or not, he needed his old teacher.

A tap was running and distantly he heard a toliet flushing. People were getting ready. Why so early? Slowly Harry opened the door and peered round to see who it was. A couple of first years, he didn't know their names, they were talking about someone. Harry couldn't make out any of them. Why were their first years there? Which toliets was he in? He was on the fourth floor. The first year toliets. In Harrys sickened state he had just ran to the nearest toliet. He would get in trouble if he was caught. slowly he got himself up, and walked out the door, the two boys noticed him.

"Isn't he Harry Potter?"

"Yeah" Said the other one. "Are you ok Harry?" Harry said nothing, just washed his hands and left.

His robes were ripped in several places and he could feel a bruise forming on his knee, he didn't know how he had got that one. He was limping, his glasses were broken, he didn't know how, but they sat askew on his face. He didn't know where he was going to go, all he knew was that he had to get far away from people so the common room was out, although the idea of sleep did tempt him. Speaking to Lupin would also get some guilt off his chest, he needed to know some things. But he didn't know if he could bear it quite yet. Maybe some sleep would help.

But as he slowly crawled into bed, he found whenever he closed his eyes all he saw was Sirius' body falling...falling.

After an hour of this he decided that there was no point, so he got up again and walked downstairs. The common room was blissfully empty, and Harry looked at the calender it was Thursday, the first day back of classes after the exams. So Harry sat in the high arched arm chair by the fire, Hedwig had appeared to sense Harry's pain and had flown up to comfort him. So Harry just stroked the owls feathers and tried not to think about anything, least about Sirius and that dreaded prophecy.

He had barely noticed when the potrit door opened and Lupin stood there. He looked terrible, the full moon was two weeks away but Lupin looked as though it was that night. Harry said nothing just gazed his old professor in the eyes, begging for forgiveness. Lupin swallowed, and spoke first, his voice croaked from crying it seemed, his eyes were very red. "I've spoken to Dumbledore. Has he given you his little speech?" Harry nodded. "I want you to know, Harry, that I don't blame you, in the least, Sirius was a brave boustrous Gryffindor, and he loved you very much." Harry gave a dry sob. "No matter how much any of us tried to talk him out of it, he had to go. It was the way that he would have wanted to go."

Harry looked at the werewolf, "but I went to the department of mysteries. I thought that he was in danger. I...It is my fault, I shouldn't have been there in the first place, I placed everyone in danger." Lupin walked over and took Harry by the shoulders.

"If Dumbledore had told you about that dammed prophecy when he should have instead of this whilly nilly stuff with Snape, you would have known that you weren't to go there, no matter how tempted you were."

"But you said that it was important to learn Occlumency."

"Yes." Lupin said slowly scratching the back of his head. "But as you have learned yourself, it doesn't always work. If Dumbledore had told you about the Prophcey then you would have known NOT to go to the ministry." Lupin sighed. "I think I blame Dumbledore, even though I know I shouldn't. All I can see is it being his fault! He kept Si locked up all year. People need fresh air, I think it reminded him being in Azkaban." his voice was very quiet, and Harry suspected that he was trying not to cry for Harry's benefit. Harry wasn't as strong though, as he wept, he wrapped his arms around Lupins back.

Taking a deep breath, Lupin held Harry at arms length, ans swallowed. "I'm not allowing you to saty at the Durselys for very long Harry, I'm...we're going to get you back. Moody, Tonks, Arthur and I are going to have a word with you aunt and uncle. Don't worry you won't be there for long." he gave a small smile and rubbed Harry's forarms.

"But, with Sirius...gone, what will happen with me?"

"Your aunt and uncle are your legal guardians Harry, no matter how we might like things to change, that one can't. Dumbledore told you about blood..."

"Not that Remus, I meant at Headquarters...you remember last year. Everyone fighting because of me, parental isssues."

Again Remus smiled. "No doubt Molly we take you under her wing, she practically already does. But...we'll talk about it before you come ok?" Harry smiled and nodded. "Now, why don't you see of you can get some sleep ok?"

x

Harry sat on the foot of his bed chewing his lower lip. True to his word he had written every three times to Lupin and to Ron and Hermione. Now he was waiting to be picked up, after spending only one and a half weeks at the Dursleys he was still enthusiastic to be away, and Harry guessed that so were the Durselys. Only ten minutes late, the doorbell rang and Harry ran down the stairs and saw Lupin and Tonks standing in the doorway, Uncle Vernon had answered the door.

"Ah hello, would you care for a cup of tea?" Harry blinked at his uncles question but could hear the bitterness in his voice.

"Oh no thank you sir, we'll just take Harry and be on our way if that's ok." Tonks said. She peered round to look at Harry, "Need some help with your bags Harry?" Harry shook his head and pulled his trunk from his bedroom downstairs and Lupin lifted it into the small car.

"I never knew wizards could drive." Harry asked.

"This one does." Tonks laughed indicating to Remus who was just getting in the front seat.

"I learned just after school, thought that it might be usefull. The car is my sisters who's a muggle, I borrowed it from her."

Harry frowned in thought. "How does that work? Are you muggleborn?"

"A muggleborn werewolf?" Lupin laughed. "No, my dad was a wizard mum a muggle. Dad was a werewolf catcher. He didn't kill werewolfs, but he controlled ones that were out of control, all magical beasts. I followed him one night, hence the bite... He died that night."

"I'm sorry..."

"Any way, my mother reamrried a local man a muggle and bore kids, muggles. He was alright about the magic element in me aswell as me being a werewolf. He's an amazing man."

"You got many siblings then Rem?" Tonks asked from the back of the car, leaning on the two front seats. Remus was driving away.

"Two sisters, Carla, the oldest is twenty-five, the one the car belongs to, and Paige, nineteen and a brother Anthony whose twenty-two."

Harry smiled, he never thought that Lupin was so young, but then again he would must only be around thirty-four. "Speaking baout Paige, Harry..." He paused as, he bit his lip in concetration going round a roundabout. "Tomorrow, I'm meeting her for lunch, and she's at that age...she would like to meet you."

Harry could only smile to that.

They reached Grimmauld place at an hour later and Harry went straight to his room and unpacked his trunk. Ron ran into the room just as Harry was hanging up he dress robes. He was bounding excitedly. "Order meeting tomorrow toinght!"

Harry shrugged, "So?"

"I heard Lupin say something about you being able to attend, and if your able to..." ROn didn't seem in necessary to continue that statement.

Harry bit his lip. "I don't know Ron, you know this time they might mean just me."

Ron furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean? You tell them that I have to be there too? We don't do things alone...Harry?"

"Look, I found some stuff out at the end of last year. And they might want to talk about that."

"Oh, and I can't know, top scret You Know Who fighting stuff, I understand."

"No," Harry said, "Yes. Look It's personal and I don't realyy want to get in a fight about it ok?"

Ron seemed to understand.

x

Harry didn't realise just how much he missed the life here. Especially at dinner time, it was as though life was forgotten about and they just enjoyed the good food, and each others company. However towards the end of the night, when Harry was thinking about going to bed, a sullen looking Dumbldore walked into the Kitchen. "Remus Harry could I have a word with you both?"

Looking at each other Harry and Remus walked out of the kitchen and into the study that Snape usually inhabited.

"Harry I'm afraid that I have some bad news. There was an attack at the Durselys, I'm sorry but they didn't survive."

And the rest was silence.

A/N: What do you think? I know I know, I really should update my other fics, don't worry I plan to...one day! Only this one has been floating around in my head since i read book five!

Refs: Story Tile 'Young without Youth' From Idlewild, American English 'And maybe you're young without youthor maybe you're old without knowing anything's trueI think you're young without youth.

Chap title 'Carve your name into my arm' From Placebo, Every you Every me. 'Carve your name into my arminstead of stressed, i lie here charmedCuz there's nothing else to doEvery me and every you.'


	2. I beg to dream and differ from the hollo...

Diclaimer: I own nothing, this all belongs to JK Rowling, please don't sue, I'm a poor poverished student and i have little money, it wouldn't really be worth your while.

Title: Young without Youth

Summary: When Harry leaves Dumbledore's office at the end of the fifth book, where does Harry go? Covers Harry's summer holidays.

Author: Ygraine.

Chapter two: **I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies**

Harry blinked and looked at Dumbledore's sombre face. How did that happen? He had just left there barely two hours ago! He couldn't think of anything to say. He wasn't excatly grieved by the Dursleys death, more confused and empty and the question _why_ ran through his head, but of course he knew the answer. Him.

He swallowed and bit his lip, and taking a deep breath he looked up again the the Headmaster. "What about Dudley, what about my cousin?"

"Dudley was at a friends house, he is alright, arrangements are being arranged for him to live with his Aunt."

His aunt?...Marge...Harry's eyes widened. "I won't..."

"No." Dumbledore said, rather sternly Harry thought, "We are making arrangements for yourwelfare."

Harry nodded, although he wasn't too sure why. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked behind him. Lupin was there, looking very sombre. "Are you alright Harry?"

He smiled, "Yeah, I'm fine, just tired. Think I might just go to bed."

"Remus, may I be able to have a word with you?" Dumbledore asked when Harry made his way back to the kitchen to get his cloak.

x

He never had to go back to Privet Drive again.

Never

Ever

Again.

It was a good thought and it brought a smile to his face when he woke up the next morning. Although he wished that this could have been resolved without any one dying, he was very glad that he didn't have to return to the Dursley's.

_'If any muggle deserves to die, it's them'_ He thought to himself as he pulled on his socks. A few minuted later he went down the kitchen, where Remus was sitting reading the Prophet, something about Muggle deaths in Ipswitch...

"Oh hello Harry." He sad, rather cheerfully

"Hi" He helped himself to some toast that was on a plate.

"How are you feeling. Will you be alright to meet my sister? Or..."

Harry paused. Remus' little sister..."Yeah, I reckon so. "

"Good" He said smiling, but then his face fell slightly. "I never got the chance to say how sorry I was about your aunt and uncle."

Harry shrugged, "It's ok...I never really got on with them. Just seems like it was someone else I got killed..." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait a minute. There were wards on Privet Drive, how the Death Eaters get through them?"

Remus swallowed and neatly folded the paper dowm. "I spoke to Dumbledore, it seems as though your magical element was the only thing that kept them up. The Dursley's pure hatred of magic caused them to fall. Wards have to be wanted, consiously or unconsiously, to be kept by the persons living there. The Dursleys didn't. But every summer when you returned, the came back up."

Harry sighed and nodded miserably at the kitchen table. "Look Harry, are you sure your alright about meeting Paige? Only I can cancel, she'll understand."

"No, I'll be fine. What are we going to be doing?"

Remus just smiled.

x

"The green one would be better, you know the olive one, over there!"

Harry blinked and piveted around quickly, the shirt on the hanger by his side got slightly tangeled up in his legs. Paige it seemed was a keen shopper, and was determined to take Harry. She had brown hair and brown eyes and creamy skin and was aboout average height and built. She didn't look too much like Remus but then again Harry had looked nothing like his relatives. She had taken them all out for lunch and now was shopping. Harry rarely went shopping and wasn't used to the constant carrying of clothes and trying them on. Already he had two pairs of jeans and a shirt. And they were still carrying on, he was getting tired.

"This one?" He asked, picking up a hooded jumper, the olive one.

"Yeah," said Paige pushing some of her hair out her eyes. "That would look really good, what do you reckon Rem?"

Lupin, who was leaning against the store mirror, looking strangley cool, in Harry's eyes at least, in the muggle outfirt he wore. "Yeah, it goes with your eyes."

Paige smiled fondly at Remus. "If Remus likes it, it must be nice. Try it on!" Harry sighed and smiled and made his way to the changing rooms. It was a nice jumper and it did suit him so he was bullied into getting it. On the way out Paige was ambushed by a group of giggeling teenagers, and a guy, who was _very_ close to her. Harry saw Remus glarring at this man, who looked little a bit older than Paige.

"Oh, this is Rem, my older brother, this is Nick, my boyfriend." It was clear to Harry that Remus was trying to smile but it was failing somewhat and he shook the other mans hand who was 'doing god know's what' to his baby sister. Harry tried to stiffle a giggle. "Oh and this is Harry, Harry Nick."

"Hi, nice to meet you!" Harry said, smiling genuinely. It was nice, to meet someone who's eyes didn't admitted move upwards from his eyes.

"Same, you're a bit young.."

"He's fifteen, but he doesn't act it. Paige said, He's Rem's Ward...Ooops." She said covering her mouth with her hands. If she hadn't done anything it would be unlikely that Hary would actually notice her blunder.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Harry," Remus said pulling him to the side away from prying eyes and ears. "The Ministry are trying to keep the Death of the Dursleys a secret, as not to draw attention to yourself. Dumbledore is trying to appeal to them to have me look after you until your seventeen."

Harry's eyes lit up. "Oh that would be amazing!" He said bouncing slightly on his heals. "I would love that!"

"So would I. But because of my...condition." he spat the word and suddenly became very bitter. "The Ministry might say that you would be unsafe."

Harry shook his head disgusted. "What a heap of crap! It would only be during the holidays and well, I know well enough by now not to stroll into a werewolfs den on the full moon. I don't plan on dying...yet, anyway."

"Don't talk like that, you are not going to die. And yes, hopefully Dumbldore will be able to convince the Ministry adoption services that you have a fair amount of common sense. It should be alright. They tend to listen to him." Remus suddenly looked very dark. "They did last time." His eyes glazed over in memory, but he quickly brightened again. "In any case. You should be able to stay at Grimmauld place. Hardly Buckingham Palace but..."

"That would be wonderful! A proper home!"

Remus smiled. "Well. We'd better get you a decent room, and decorate it the way you want it."

x

Nick had been properly intoduced, and it turned out that he was a 'Very repectable boy' as Remus' mother said, when Remus came back from that 'awful family meal' he'd dubbed it before he had even got there. Remus' family wanted Harry to come 'To meet the nephew', they decided to call him. But Dumbledore put his foot down and said he didn't want parading Harry around.

"Voldemort still wants him dead Remus," He had said. "And even though your sister's boyfriend," Dumbledore sounded as though 'meeting the parents' was a very trvial affair compared to a war againt Fascism. And Harry silently agreed with him, "is most likely an innocent muggle." He continued. "We cannot afford to take chances, especially as this person will be close to you, and therefore Harry, keep an eye on him."

Remus tried to argue that they had already met breifly but still Dumbledore would still have none of it, and even though Harry would never tell Remus, he was glad. The last thing he wanted was to have a 'family' meal with a load of strangers. But Remus it seemed, had a good time, and came back at about eleven, looking rather flushed and smelled like he was had a bit of wine and a whiskey. McGonagal, who was playing scrabble (of all things) with Harry, as a babysitter, (Harry tried to convince people he didn't need one) did not look impressed with Remus' choice of beverages. And she stalked off fifteen minutes after Remus got home, after whispering some very harsh words to the werewolf, whose face fell in shame suddenly.

Harry chose at that moment to put 'rat-arsed' on the scrabble board. Remus threw some squares at him.

It was two mornings after that did the news paper come. With the Headline of dread.

**'HARRY POTTER'S GUARDIANS KILLED BY DARK LORD. EVIDENCE OF ABUSE ON BOY WHO LIVED.'**

Funnily enough it was Remus' reaction that gutted Harry the most, not the headline it self. The werewolf blinked at Harry, heartbroken it seemed, who reached over to get the paper.

_Vernon and Pertunia (sister to Lily Potter) Dursely have been killed in an attack from the Dark Lord almost a week ago. Harry Potter was out of their care at the time. It's not yet known why the Aunt and Uncle of Harry was killed, but suprising news has been unearthed because of these attacks revealed to the Ministry of Magic today. It seems as though the Boy Who Liveds relatives did not treat their nephew as we, or Albus Dumbledore (who knew that the Dursleys were a bit resentful to have to care for Harry) had even dreaded. _

_The Dursleys made young Harry Sleep in the cupboard under the Stairs with the damp and the spiders until he got his Hogwarts letter when he was nearly eleven. They would encourage their large overweight son Dudley (who survived and is living with a relative away from Harry) to beat and bully Potter and unable to make friends with neighbouring children. And they would make Harry do all of the chores and cooking, and when it was wrong he would be beaten or locked inside the cupboard that didn't even have room for a proper bed._

_And even when Harry was at Hogwarts they mistreated him during the summer holidays. They informed neighbours that Harry was attending a school for criminaly insane boys called St Brutus' They locked him up in his bedroom when he was twelve, with barely enough food, water and light to survive. Apparently Potter told his friends and teachers some of the mistreatings he had had but not the full extent..._

Harry stopped reading a threw the paper accross the room and looked at Remus who was still standing there in shock. "You told me that you merely hated the Dursleys, that they didn't love you. But Merlin, Harry a cupboard!" He sat down his face in his hands. "Ho_w _small was it."

"It was standard cupboard under the stairs size. But my Hogwarts letter, it was adressed to the cupboard, why didn't Dumbldedore know?"

"He doesn't address the envolopes, no one does, it's done by that magical book. No one would have noticed. Oh Harry." He whimpered. "Why didn't you saying anything."

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. No one asked, so I didn't tell. I'm sorry, I should have..."

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're not there anymore."

Harry smiled slightly. "Wait a minute. How did they prophet find all that out. The only way would be to question them before they died, and the Death Eaters did that..."

Remus' eyes widened, and he bit his lip. "There must be a spy for Voldemort in the Ministry."

TBC

A/N: Please review, i'm only just starting out. It will get better. There's going to be a bit of angst for young Harry.

**REFS:**

**Story Title: 'Young without Youth' From Idlewild, American English: **

**'And maybe you're young without youth  
or maybe you're old without knowing anything's true  
I think you're young without youth.'**

**Chap Title: 'I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies' From Greenday, Holiday:**

**'I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies  
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives  
On holiday' **


End file.
